Thursday, 24 January 2008

The path of homemaking / parenting

I was going to title this post, 'The pent up anger of a wife and mother' but that just felt much too uncomfortable so I opted for something less nerve wrenching instead.

We are having a good week this week, as we usually do to be honest. Nothing different on the domestic front. Miles had a tantrum this afternoon which could possibly have been measured on the richter scale, but things like that just seem to happen sometimes. Hermione and Nana missed out on the performance as they had gone off to see The Nutcracker ballet.

So, why when all is well do I have feelings of things just not being good enough, feelings of inadequacy, there not being enough hours in the day and worse still - resentments? Resentments about despite the fact that I try at all times to give 101% I can't always make everything right. Resentments about how some days I don't even get a minute to go to the bathroom on my own!

During the course of Miles major melt down I sat close by, reminding him every now and then that I was there for him, offering him hugs and offering suggestions on how I felt we could better spend the afternoon. In between offerings I tried to blend into the wall and let him get on with it. I picked up a book which recently came out of storage from when we moved house - Homeopathy for the Soul by Cassandra Lorius. It felt like meeting up with a long lost friend. Quite aside from homeopathy I think it offers many insights and pearls of wisdom about life in general.

In the book I found a list of positive and negative qualities associated with those on the path of homemaking and/or parenting. It really resonated with me and comforted me, as although I can tick many boxes on the negative side right now, it reminded me of the positives too. They're still there albeit a little obscured right now.

POSITIVE QUALITIES ASSOCIATED WITH THOSE ON THE PATH OF HOMEMAKING

- People on this path create a resource for others to use as a refuge, haven or retreat.
- They have an ability to listen and respond appropriately to the needs of others
- They provide a focus for connection, warmth and community
- They promote the values of sharing and caring
- They tolerate difference and the unique qualities of others
- They foster the growth and development of others
- They provide stability and support
- They are persistent
- They often have a highly developed sense of aesthetic appreciation
- Their giving to other people can be abundant


NEGATIVE QUALITIES ASSOCIATED WITH THOSE ON THE PATH OF HOMEMAKING

- They can be too busy doing to just be with others
- They can become bogged down in material or domestic concerns
- They can behave in a complacent or unadventurous manner
- They can become emotionally cold and indifferent to the needs of others
- They can neglect themselves, living vicariously through others
- They can be exhausted and burnt out through dutiful giving
- They can feel frustrated and resentful
- They may try to manipulate and control others through a need to know where everyone is at all times
- They can become rigid about how things should be done
- They become over anxious about people they are close to
- They may suffer anxiety about failing or not being good enough
- Sometimes people on this path become dependent on others for approval
- They hate being taken for granted; they need to feel appreciated.


Like all paths, it is unrealistic to expect the way to be smooth at all times. I think the lesson for me in all this is to accept the rough with the smooth and not be embarrassed or ashamed to acknowledge that at times I may be less than ecstatic with my homemaking/parenting lot.

If anyone else wishes to *come out* as a sometimes frustrated, resentful or just downright naffed off homemaker/parent then feel free to comment. You are in like company right now *grin*.

4 comments:

soo said...

mmmm I can relate wholeheartedly to the negatives right now. Perhaps I should read the positives again :-)

Amanda said...

ah, I think homemaking/parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done. There are days when I really just want to be me, days when I think 'When I was at work......' lol. Lets face it as a job the pay and hours are terrible ;0) but of course there are good days :0) Its a bumpy path!

Elle said...

I agree with you Amanada. There are days for me too when I just wish for peace and quiet and time to get my head into gear. Luckily we have good and fab days too which far outway the bad ones! It's all good for the character I say! Love the cake in your previous post btw. Elle

Wobblymoo said...

I would have to say that overall I love being a mum and home maker but there are days where I just want to sent the boys to school and go back to work and do something for me. I do see this as my ideal vocation but I didn't know that until recently.